If I Was Your Girl Read online

  If I Was Your Girl

  Also by Ni-Ni Simone

  Shortie Like Mine

  Published by Dafina Books

  If I Was Your Girl

  Ni-Ni Simone

  Dafina Books for Young Readers

  KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.

  http://www.kensingtonbooks.com

  To my Taylor, who said,

  “I can’t believe Mommy would use the word

  hollah.

  She’s not cool!”

  To my Sydney,

  whom I asked to perform her ballet routine,

  and without warning,

  she turned into Beyoncé,

  dropped down,

  and started sweeping the floor with it.

  I’m just starting to recover.

  And to my baby boy Zion,

  whose favorite word is ‘no.’

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  Drama Part I

  Play Your Position or Change Your Position

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Drama Part II

  Fly Like Me…

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Drama Part III

  The Game Done Changed

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Drama Part IV No More Drama

  Chapter 30

  A Reading Group Guide

  Discussion Questions

  Acknowledgments

  To my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, if I had a thousand tongues, I couldn’t thank you enough.

  To my mother for helping me out when my deadlines were kicking my you know what!

  To my father, who is simply honored that I named a character Melvin in my first book (LOL).

  To my husband, Kevin, and my mother-in-law, Beulah, for all of your support.

  To my editors and publishing families, thank you for believing in my talent, even when I have my days.

  To Nakea Murray and Tiffany Colvin—it’s official: 3 Chicks On Lit have entered the building.

  To all of my family and friends, the gratitude and love I have for you could never be expressed in words. I thank you for being my biggest supporters. And to my author friends, where would I be if I couldn’t call you and say, ‘listen to this!’ God Bless!

  To all of my fans, bookstores, book clubs, coworkers, my church family, message boards, and everyone else who has been with me during the course of my career, I want to thank you for everything. You mean the world!

  And to all of the little girls who dream, I want you to dream big and know that as sure as this book is written, the sky is the limit!

  Be sure to email me at [email protected] or send me a friend request at myspace.com/nini_simone.

  Hollah atcha gurl!

  Peace

  Drama Part I

  Play Your Position or Change Your Position

  1

  “This is my jam, right here!” I screamed as we drove down Bergen Street with the sounds of Playaz Circle’s “Duffle Bag Boy” blasting from the car into the street. We’d just left the Hot 97 King of Rap concert at the Prudential Center and were still high from the night’s festivities.

  “Girl, did you see how Lil Wayne was looking at me?” my sister, Seven, said as she danced in the back seat.

  “You lying, Seven,” Tay laughed, as she drove down the street, looking at her in the rearview mirror. “You know Weezie was lookin’ at me.”

  “I know y’all ain’t on my baby daddy!” I stopped singing long enough to chime in.

  “Girl, please,” Seven snapped. “You got enough baby daddies!”

  We all laughed as I turned up the volume and started singing again. “I ain’t nevah ran from a damn thing and I damn sure ain’t ’bout to pick today to start runnin’.”

  As I threw my arms in the air, Tay said, “Toi, ain’t that Quamir’s truck?” She pointed across Rector Street.

  I looked at the tags on the black Escalade. “Hell, yeah.” I turned the music down.

  “And ain’t that Shanice’s house?” Seven asked. “I thought he stopped messing with her.”

  “We don’t know if that’s her house,” I snapped defensively. “You always jumping to conclusions.”

  Tay looked at me out the corner of her eyes. “You need to stop frontin’,” she spat, “you know that’s where the skeezer lives.” Tay double parked in the street, next to Quamir’s truck. “Now the question is, what you gon’ do about it?”

  “Nothin’,” Seven jumped in. “You don’t bring it to nobody else’s spot.” She sucked her teeth. “If anything we can slice his tires and bounce.”

  “Slice his tires?” Tay snapped, “that is so whack.” She looked at me. “You know this is ridiculous right? And I’m not slicing no tires or breaking no windows, he gon’ put up or shut up. ’Cause frankly, I can’t take you crying over this dude anymore.”

  “Confront him and what?” Seven spat. “If we not gon’ key up his ride then we need to bounce.” She turned to me. “You’ve seen it with your own eyes, so now you know you need to leave ’im alone.” Seven wiggled her neck from side to side.

  “Bounce?” Tay sucked her teeth. “Girl, please, we ’bout to handle this.”

  Neither of them had noticed that I hadn’t said a word. I was in shock, but then again I wasn’t. I just wasn’t in the mood to react to something that obviously wasn’t going to change, but there was no way I could let my sister or my best friend think I was gon’ allow Quamir to keep playing me. I had to stand up for something, so I twisted my neck and rolled my eyes. “I’ma ring the trick’s bell.”

  “There it is.” Tay said, “there it is, and you know I got your back.”

  At least for pride’s sake I had to pretend like I was strong. Strong enough, to at least beat this bitch’s ass for being with my baby daddy. “I’m ’bout to wild-out!”

  “This what you do,” Tay said as we got out the car. “When she comes to the door, drag her ass down the stairs. Don’t even show her no mercy. She knew Quamir was your dude, yet she keeps calling him over here. Nah, we gon’ end this right now.” Tay’s lips popped twice as she zigzagged her neck. She was the spitting image of the ghetto twins in ATL, with the attitude to match, which is why I knew that if nothing else I could always count on her to be down with the get down. Even when I just wanted to curl up and die, she was on guard.

  “You know this don’t make no sense, right?”

  Seven said as she got out the car. “Mommy will kick our asses if she knew we were out here like this! Forget Quamir!”

  “Forget Quamir? Do you know how bad he keep doggin’ this fool?” Tay pointed at me.

  “Don’t call me no fool.” I rolled my eyes as we walked up the steps.

  “My fault,” she gave me a crooked smile. “You know what I mean. Anyway, Seven, do you know this is like…the nineteenth time we ready to pounce on ole boy? Girl, please forget Quamir. He’s takin’ time away from me and my man. I wish I would—”

  “Tay.” I was pissed and she was making it worse. “You don’t even have a man.”

  “Exactly,” she whispered as I rang the
bell. “And I’m not gon’ get one chasing behind yours.”

  “Excuse you?” I sucked my teeth.

  “Don’t get mad, kick ass. Show ’em what’s really hood. I’m tired of this dude playing you every other week. Shit, I need some sleep.”

  “This don’t make no sense.” Seven tapped her foo standing behind me. I could feel the warmth of her breath as she sighed against my neck.

  “For real, y’all,” I said. “Not now, ’cause the way I feel, y’all ’bout to get it. So my suggestion to you,” I looked at Seven and then at Tay, “is to fall back.”

  “Excuse you?” Seven blinked her eyes.

  “Be clear,” Tay spat. “T-skee ain’t the one. Let Quamir and his new skeezer be the only ones you feel comfortable bringin’ it to—”

  “No, I don’t appreciate—”

  “Toi—” Tay interrupted me.

  “Don’t cut me off!”

  “Would you shut up?” she said, tight-lipped with arched eyebrows. “Somebody’s comin’ to the door!”

  Immediately, all the air left my body as I watched Quamir open the door with Shanice standing beside him. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, especially since I knew Shanice. I mean, we weren’t friends, but we went to school together and she knew Quamir was my man.

  I could feel my eyes knocking in the back of my head, but now was not the time to cry. So I held my tears back as best I could, and looked at Shanice’s face. I couldn’t deny how pretty she was, and for a moment I wondered if Quamir thought she was prettier than me. We were both the color of fresh apple butter, yet her eyes glistened like full moons, while mine were almond shaped. I had a dimpled smile and she had a wide one. Unless I had my hair flat ironed straight, it fell over my shoulders in an abundance of ocean waves, but ole girl wore a cheap blond clip weave. Wait a minute, I just found a flaw, at least my hair is real. Now I had the souped-up confidence I needed to handle my business. “This what you want, Quamir?”

  “Yo’,” he said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

  “What you think?” I pointed my hand like a gun in his face, yet looking dead in hers. “This the tramp you want?”

  “What is she doin’ at my door, Quamir? You don’t be coming to my house!” Shanice screamed, jumping up and down, acting as if at any moment she was gon’ bring it.

  “I know she ain’t stuntin’,” Tay snapped. “Oh, hell no!”

  “And what?” Shanice hunched her shoulders. “He don’t want her and she knows it!”

  True story, I wanted to just walk away, but my mixed emotions wouldn’t let me leave like that. I needed Quamir to see the pain on my face, and then maybe he would understand what he was doing to me. I felt like I was in a trance, or better yet blazed; like everything was moving in slow motion, a euphoric high that made me feel like nothing was real. Nevertheless, I had to do this. I had to teach this chick a lesson about messing with my man or better yet, teach him a lesson about messing around on me.

  Therefore, I pushed all rational thought out of my mind and let my heart and bruised emotions lead the way. I reached over Quamir’s shoulder and yanked Shanice by the hair. All hell broke loose! I pounced on my prey like crazy, sending the entire porch into an uproar. I’m not sure how Quamir moved out of the way, but all I knew is that he was standing there watching as I dragged her down the stairs by her hair, causing parts of her weave to fly into the breeze.

  “What I tell you about my man, trick!” I swung with all I had as I pulled her into the street. The flashing streetlamp that shone above us splashed like a spotlight into her frightened face.

  “Toi!” Quamir screamed, running down the stairs, the soles of his Timberlands thumping against the wood. “Yo, chill.”

  Chill? To hell with chill—all chill could do for me at that moment was get its ass beat.

  “What?” Tay said in killer mode. “I know you ain’t tryna do nothin’, Quamir!”

  Quamir ignored her. Instead, he stood there watching with his left thumb tucked behind his belt buckle with a smirk on his face, all while I beat this girl down.

  The girl threw a punch, but I ducked, came back up, and caught her in the chin.

  “Shanice, Toi, I said chill,” Quamir said with ease. I could tell he wanted to laugh because I could hear the sounds in his throat.

  Although Shanice was trying to fight back, I was beatin’ on her like crazy as Quamir stood there and watched as if this was his favorite pastime entertainment.

  “Slap her!” Tay shouted. “Her face is clear again, Toi!”

  “That’s enough!” Seven yelled as she tried to pull me off of Shanice. Seeing that she wasn’t successful, Quamir jumped in and lifted me up by my waist. Instantly, the fight ceased.

  As Quamir put me down, he stood with his back to me as Shanice ran up and started pushing her chest against his. “Get out the way!”

  My chest was heaving up and down. “Bring it!” I spat. “Bring…it!”

  Tay shot me a high five, and wagged her tongue out like a salivating dog, “You…spank dat…ass!” she hunched her shoulders toward Shanice, who was still pushing against Quamir. “Booyah!”

  “Yo,” Quamir pushed Shanice back. “What I say?”

  “Bring it! Please bring it!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs.

  “Let me go, Quamir!” Shanice pushed against him and pointed at me. “I promise you, I’ma get you jumped, you ain’t gon’ never be able to walk these streets again! You really don’t know who I am!”

  “You ain’t shit!” I yelled, “I just whooped yo’ ass in front of your house and ain’t nobody come out to help you? Girl, please.”

  “My mother ain’t home, otherwise she’d would’ve shot yo’ azz!”

  I yawned, and tapped my lips, “What…eva!”

  Shanice snorted, her weave hanging by a strand on her head. “You crazy bitch!” she struggled to reach for me, “I hate you! You know I’ma kill her, Quamir!”

  “Chill,” he said sternly.

  “This yo’ chick, Quamir?” I mushed him in the back of his head. “This your girl?”

  “I’m his baby’s mother, you stupid jump-off! He told you to step but you keep holding on!”

  Did she just say baby mother? I looked at Tay for confirmation and her face went from confident and proud to surprised. Then I looked at Seven, who wore an “I told you so” face.

  Whatever. How she gon’ have a baby by him and I just had one? This chick lyin’. “He ain’t never told me to step,” I carried on. “You wish! And girl, you don’t have no baby by him. Please!” Of all things, I know Quamir wouldn’t have no baby on me. We were a family; his other two baby mamas were crazy, I wasn’t, which is why he told me I was the one. I looked at Shanice, “Lose ya’self!”

  “Oh, you ain’t never told her about our son, Quamir?” Shanice said.

  Son? I had the son.

  “You ain’t never told her to step, Quamir?” Shanice mushed Quamir in the face. “Oh, you her man?”

  “What, you ain’t know?” My words floated over his shoulder. “You better tell her somethin’, Quamir.”

  “Quamir!” Shanice screamed.

  “Quamir,” I shouted. “Tell her, and tell her to stop lying on you!”

  Quamir’s head turned back and forth from me to Shanice over and over again. For a moment, he looked as if he were going crazy, but I didn’t care. I desperately wanted him to validate what I was saying and straight out call this girl a liar.

  “Quamir!” Shanice and I screamed simultaneously.

  “Yo, for real,” he snapped. “Both y’all gettin’ on my nerves! True story, I ain’t rockin’ wit’ neither one of y’all like that.”

  For some reason, as if we were doing a dance, we all stepped back. “What you say?” I think I heard wrong.

  “Oh, you ain’t with me, Quamir?” Shanice spat. “You been at my house every night this week and we ain’t together? You’re the one who asked me to have our baby so we would be a family—”<
br />
  What she just say?

  “And now,” she continued on, “all of a sudden you ain’t with me?” She pushed him in his chest. “Oh, we ain’t together?”

  He asked her what…?

  “Go ’head, Shanice.” He pointed his finger in her face.

  My voice trembled as I said, “I can’t believe this!” I felt sooooo dumb. Here I was, battling with a buncha lies, fighting for the sake of proving a useless point.

  “It’s over, Quamir. This who you choosing?” I pointed over his shoulder. “You can have that stank ho! We through! You ain’t nothin’; you don’t take care of your son no way. Mama’s boy! Trying so hard to be a playa but can’t get outcha mama’s basement. Your whole existence is a joke. I don’t know whether to laugh in your face or spit in it.”

  I turned around to walk away, and Quamir yanked me by my hair so hard that I was dizzy. Seven and Tay immediately jumped between us. I looked at the rage in Quamir’s eyes and I knew he wasn’t playing. My heart thumped in my chest. “It’s cool,” I said to them as they stood in front of me.

  “I been waitin’ to kick yo’ azz!” Tay said.

  “Tay!” I snapped. “Chill. Y’all move and let me hear what he got to say.” Before they could move on their own, Quamir pushed them to the side and stood in front of me.

  “Who you talkin’ to, Toi?” he said, sounding more like my father than my man.